The more Envy the more Love

It has been an astonishing result of my recent retrospection given the light of incidents that made me feel betrayed. It would be coined too diplomatic to blame myself or, share the blame with my Xes. I'm been thinking for a while now about my newest break-up and kinda felt more depressing than ever though the attachment and the emotional tie up were replicas of the past relationships. This has surely something to do with my changed mindset after last year's break up. The interesting behavior of all was the way in which I started admiring my loved ones. It  is not the conventional way of care or understanding that draws me closer to my subjects(mortal ones) but a feeling of ENVY pumps the adrenaline.

Interestingly surprising to my own comprehension and intellect this was weird and more of a head turner at the first stage but (the commonality of) all investigations popped up with the same characteristics that eventually lured me to give up. The strange but true adventure goes like this:

Its not about hero worshiping, not love at first glance- the windy air blowing the flaxen hair to unravel half the hidden face but it is the feeling of envy- a lack of quality in me that my counters posses. I soon start fancying the ability of that person in handling a particular task,emotion,people or a rigid responsibility. Its like falling in love with quality and not with the individual. Since the quality manifests as subject's form I'm fooled to believe in love between our two and most unlikely without my knowledge develop more love for quality and not the person(unintentional of course! who wouldn't want to fall in love with a person?). I would then live in a false belief of love and start expecting reciprocation for the my uni cast-ed love which undoubtedly doesn't find a acknowledgment, terminating to term it break-up. This argument made me think if love had anything to do with the physical being? Love (there's no false love, its only its absence) is an abstraction of the warmth and soothing conjecture of emotions that marvels a soul when we are in and around a person who respond to the signals of our heart and physical stature has no compliment in this context though in some cases it does come by as a greatest compliment but often loses to the impact of emotions. So if I were in love with quality(like the way it happens with love) and not the individual then why wouldn't any of my relations lasted long?

The reality is; Love is not a single quality to fancy but to accept and fancy every little bit of a person as a whole and intact(as it is). This is what was lacking! I assumed things in their perfect places by admiring and hoping that quality to mend other qualities. Things are better when they go wrong but are best when they hurt. At least, after all this I realized the ways to find my love. Envy has no place in the house of love. Don't find love it finds you is now meaningful and most apt in my case...